You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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