My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
