The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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