I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
