Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
