do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
