She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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