Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
