I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
