so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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