Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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