You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
