we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
