i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you would pick up someone in the library
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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