All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
