She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
