when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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