My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
