Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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