brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i was born a porn star she said
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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