the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
