Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
