using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
