hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
