I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
