Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
