I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
