My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize