I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
