Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
