if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
