she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
