paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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