I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
