In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize