My cat gives me a boner
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
