Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
