:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
