Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
