Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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