My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
