I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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