My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
