in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
