Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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