If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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