It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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