I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
