The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
