this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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