Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
