my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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