At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
