you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My hand turned me down
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
false alarm, still single
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