I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
