she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize