If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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