There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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