Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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