id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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