What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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