Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
