i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
