even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't turn off my feet"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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