She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I will die if light touches me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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