wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
