I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
