Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
