Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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