I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
