We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
