Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You made out with two different species that night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
