im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My vagina is officially offended.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
