You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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