wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
