Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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