Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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