You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
