I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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