got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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