I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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