Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
