NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
