fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
