i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
