I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
