So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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