Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
