Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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