i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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