Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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