they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Enjoy the penises
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
