Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
