I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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