You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
