I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
