why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
