its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
