i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
