Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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