he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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