I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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