Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
