We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
