i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
