Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
