There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
