Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
