Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
