for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
