i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize