The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
